


tiny hands

by TheLillie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: :'), Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, like i dont think anything really happy occurs in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:23:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLillie/pseuds/TheLillie
Summary: Bismuth discovers filigree. Peridot gets dragged into metalwork because her hands are smaller.





	tiny hands

**Author's Note:**

> my only weakness

“You’re not gonna give up, are you?”

Peridot released a yell, shoving her shoulder against the wall again. “I didn’t spend three years saving the Earth a dozen times over just to take defeat lying down now!”

“Me neither, kid, but there’s some things you just can’t fight,” Bismuth murmured. 

Another yell--another yell, another, wordless and screeching as Peridot kicked at the blank pink wall. There’d been a door there minutes ago, opening and closing smoothly and effortlessly at the command of the agate that’d condemned them to stay here, but now there was just nothing. Nothing to fight against. Nothing to hope for.

Bismuth tuned the little technician out, turning her attention to the mess covering the floor. It was probably good that Pearl couldn’t see how chaotic all her things had become--and it was probably good that her things  _ were  _ so chaotic, so Bismuth couldn’t really see the shimmery nacre dusting the floor beneath them--

Some tools, some trash, some food, mostly just piles and piles of miscellanea. Stickers. Books. Video game controllers. The Homeworld soldiers had managed to sort out all the weapons and take them away. And even if Bismuth could make something, they were sure to be watching from inside Homeworld...they’d put a stop to anything.

Suddenly Peridot’s shouts of anger turned to a scream of pain, and Bismuth instinctively leapt to her feet. Peridot had fallen to the floor and curled into a ball, clutching at her forehead.

“Stupid, stupid cloddy dirty--” Peridot cursed. “Stupid! It shouldn’t be like this!”

Bismuth knelt at Peridot’s side and cradled an arm around her shoulders. “What hurts?”

“Everything! It shouldn’t hurt this much! All I did was--” Her voice gave out into a whimper, and she pressed her fingers tighter against her face.

Bismuth gently guided Peridot’s hands down. “Try to do your metal magic?”

“It shouldn’t be this bad. It’s just a stupid scratch.”

And it was just a scratch--a precise, surgical one, directly lined up with the edge of a facet, barely visible. Shallow, but bad. Not quite as bad as a crack, but enough that she couldn’t do much--especially try to use her powers--without breaking down. Bismuth had one to match, almost exactly.

Tentative, Bismuth reached out her thumb and brushed at the scratch. Peridot yelped and shielded her gem with her hands again.

“Sorry,” Bismuth said. “I won’t touch it.”

“I just need a moment.” Peridot took a deep breath in, her eyes still squeezed shut. When she spoke again, her voice was stronger and surer. “A second to recuperate and assess my new limits. Then I can adapt as necessary until I find a way out of here.”

“There isn’t a way out of here.”

“I  _ said  _ I’ll  _ find  _ one.” Peridot opened her eyes and pushed Bismuth’s hands away. Bismuth retreated, frowning.

“You’re wasting your time, all right? Homeworld beat us. We lost. Just be glad Steven and his friend got away and then let it go.”

Peridot clenched a fist. “Amethyst wouldn’t let it go. If it was Amethyst in here with me instead of  _ you _ , we could--”

“Yeah, and Homeworld knows that, and they split you like this on purpose,” Bismuth sharply cut her off. “And guess whose fault that is?”

Peridot fell silent. She pursed her lips and turned away.

It wasn’t Peridot’s fault, not directly--but Bismuth knew she blamed herself. For letting Lapis leave Earth in the first place, or for letting her get close and learn so much, or for ever trusting her at all. Lapis Lazuli knew the Crystal Gems, she knew their strengths and their relationships and their weaknesses, and she knew exactly how to keep them down, and she was far too willing to let Homeworld know too.

But no. Bismuth didn’t have the energy to get mad at that sneaky upper crust anymore. She sat back down and slouched, leaning her chin into her hand. 

Pearl had left behind some strange little pieces of metal. Bismuth furrowed her brow and gently pinched a silver ring between her thumb and forefinger.

“What’s this?” she asked, almost to herself, lifting it to her eyes.

Peridot glanced over, arms crossed. “It’s a ring.”

“I can see that. But I’ve never seen a ring look like this before.”

She turned it back and forth in front of her eye, then shifted her grip so it lay flat in her palm. She’d met a few humans during the war who wore jewelry, all pretty plain stuff, maybe embellished with engravings or crystals; the rings Bismuth made for Garnet when she came back were just a simple bands. But this was detailed, elaborate--thin strands of metal delicately twisted and curled into complex designs. It was beautiful.

“You’ve never seen filigree before?” Peridot scoffed. “How long were you on Earth again?”

“Well, I never paid as much attention to what humans did as you do.” She lowered her hand and let the ring fall back to the floor.

“Sucks to be you, I guess. Now you’ll never get a chance to be as knowledgeable about human culture as I am.”

“I thought you were working on a way out of here,” Bismuth smirked.

“I am!” Peridot stamped her foot, then kicked it at the wall again.

Bismuth glanced around for another piece of--there, a necklace, gold and tangled around a potted cactus. She carefully bent and untangled the chain from the spines, then cupped the pendant in her hands. It was even more intricate and lovely than the ring.

Filigree.

Sort of a strange name. But it was an overwhelmingly attractive concept.

Bismuth sat on the floor and began to study it.

* * *

Hours passed.

Bismuth dug through Pearl’s things and found a black marker, which she used to trace out a copy of the ring and pendant’s designs on the floor. Then she decided to sketch out a design for a ring of her own. Bringing the design to life would be tricky, though…

First she needed metal to mold. That was easy enough--Pearl had kept tons of metal in her gem. But she also needed something hot enough to forge that metal, and without the lava she was used to--fire would have to do. That limited the material she could use to soft metals like copper, but that was alright.

There were a few wooden things she could break apart, plenty of paper for tinder and kindling; it’d sting a little to destroy Pearl’s books, but hey, she wasn’t gonna read them. Besides, who wanted to read about calculus? What even is that?

A little box of matches, after some searching. And, stars, there was even a bellows. Pearl was prepared for anything.

While Bismuth worked, Peridot paced. She thought, she hummed, she searched. She didn't do anything, but Bismuth was sure there was some other doomed escape plan brewing in that head.

Until she stopped pacing, stood right before her, and purposefully sat.

“Alright, Bismuth, here's what I don't get,” Peridot said scathingly, gesturing across the fire. “Why exactly are you so determined to give up on this? I thought you were a fighter! You were among the first to rebel against Homeworld for the sake of rebelling. You designed a foolproof shattering machine ages before any other Gems could figure it out. You stood up to all kinds of trouble! Why are you quitting now?!”

“Sometimes you get tired of being a fighter,” Bismuth snapped. “Sometimes the bad guys get you down. Sometimes your friends betray you--”

“Lapis didn’t betray us,” Peridot insisted. “She’s--she’s being controlled or something, or she’s playing double agent, and any moment now she’s gonna come back--”

Bismuth groaned, throwing her head back. “Open your eyes, kid, she’s a lapis. She’s an elite. She’s never cared about anyone but herself, and she never will.”

“Well, Rose Quartz was an elite--”

“And she’s no different!” Bismuth shouted. “She’s not any different from any of them!”

Peridot stopped and shrank back a little. Bismuth realized she’d risen to her feet and was clenching a fist.

She backed down.

“Sometimes you just have to sit back, and…” She sighed. “Wait for them to come and harvest you or shatter you or whatever they're gonna do.”

Peridot was still, lips pursed and stubbornly trembling. Gradually, though, her face loosened from anger to annoyance. “Oh, please. If they were gonna do anything to us, they would've done it already. I think now they're just trying to forget we exist.”

Bismuth's shoulders hunched as she looked back to her work. “Might as well pass the time until they do.”

She scooped the hot half-melted copper up from the fire and pressed into it with her thumb. It shifted and molded along with the movement of her fingers--a little clumsier than she would have liked. Clumsier than she could have been with her proper forge, making proper weapons--

No, she wasn’t going to think about her forge and her weapons. She was going to keep trying, keep distracted...

After a moment Peridot stood and shuffled over, peering over Bismuth’s shoulder. “That doesn't look very much like the design.”

“Big hands,” Bismuth complained, squinting. “Can't get the shapes right.”

“And you can't--”

“Can't just shrink em smaller with this scratch.”

Peridot reached down and pinched a strand of metal into a smaller loop. Her little hands were perfect for it.

Bismuth turned her head to her, almost smiling.

“Just until I come up with our escape,” Peridot excused, blushing slightly. “Might as well pass the time.”

Bismuth's smile grew.

* * *

They finished the ring together. It wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but it had potential-- _ they _ had potential. And it would only get better as they practiced.

So Bismuth kept forging, and Peridot kept helping.

Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months--probably. Neither of them kept much track of how much time was passing exactly. They were mainly counting time by projects--two bracelets, four necklaces, three crowns, a band that'd fit around Bismuth's bicep just as well as Peridot’s hips.

Halfway through a star-themed circlet, Bismuth picked up a bent piece of pipe and found nothing but dust and floor beneath it. Not just dust--sparkling, crystalline white, almost like sand, with a few spots of jagged glossy shell.

Pearl.

Bismuth sank to her knees.

Oblivious, Peridot skipped over with an armful of mess. “Hey, so I think I can find a way--”

“Per,” Bismuth interrupted, looking up with numb eyes. “Stop.”

“Wh--”

Peridot looked down. She scampered backwards, almost dropping her load.

“They just--they just left her here?” she said, voice squeaking. “I thought they took her away when they--”

Bismuth shook her head. “She’s been here the whole time.”

Peridot stood stunned, mouth opening but lost for words. Then her mouth closed, and she gently set down the burden in her arms, and she knelt down.

“We should put her in a bubble,” Bismuth said. “Maybe we could try sending her home.”

“I’m pretty sure bubbling’s included in the auxiliary abilities they’ve cut off from us,” Peridot replied, tapping her forehead.

“Yeah, it’d be tough, but it’s probably doable if we try hard enough, right?” She knelt low and took Peridot’s hands in hers, then cupped them together around the little heap of glitter. “If we do it together, we should be able to…”

For a second there was silence. A sharp ache rippled from Bismuth’s gem, but she kept focusing, kept straining. From the look on Peridot’s face, she was feeling the same, doing the same.

Then, there was a small, hesitant  _ wwobb,   _ and a bubble formed. A single pale, glimmering bubble, shining green from one angle and silver from another and pink from another. Pearl’s dust floated quietly inside, safe and untouchable. 

Bismuth took a deep breath in, and brought one hand up to tap the top of the bubble.

Peridot didn’t mirror her.

Bismuth paused and tilted her head. “What’s wrong?”

“Where can we send her?” Peridot asked. “If we try to send her ‘home’...there’s nothing left of the Temple now.”

“Oh.” Bismuth pursed her lips. They surely couldn’t send her to the forge either, or to any safe haven the Crystal Gems had had on Earth...

After a long moment, Peridot’s gaze shyly rose. “Can ‘home’ be a person?”

It wasn’t hard to know which person she was thinking of. Bismuth allowed a corner of her mouth to twitch up, a sad fraction of a smile. “Yeah. To Steven.”

Peridot sniffed and nodded. Together they both moved their fingertips down, and Pearl disappeared in a fading stripe of shimmering pink and green.

* * *

They assembled a bit of a bed from piles of Steven’s shirts and pillows in the corner of the room. After a while it became routine to curl up there after finishing a project, and Bismuth would wrap her arms around Peridot and Peridot would lay cozy against Bismuth's chest and they'd stay there a while. Most of the time Peridot would drift off for a few hours; Bismuth still hadn't quite grasped the knack of falling asleep.

Peridot was a master at it. Once she fell asleep, almost nothing could wake her up unless she decided to wake up.

Sometimes--not always, not even often, but sometimes--she would dream. A faded, flickering image would float up from her scratched gem, and Bismuth would watch. She mostly dreamed of Earth, of strange mundane things that she would do with the Crystal Gems. She'd dream of playing games with Steven and Connie, or building something with Pearl, or stargazing with Garnet, or simply talking and smiling and existing with Amethyst. Or Lapis. And she'd wake up crying.

Once she dreamt of Bismuth. They were together in a forest, just outside a little wood cabin decorated with the old Crystal Gem flag. They had a fire before them, but they weren't using it to make anything--just to sit and be warm. Strangest of all, the dream seemed to have made them into humans, turning Bismuth's rainbow hair black and Peridot's green skin brown. 

It'd turned them into the characters of that show, Bismuth realized--that silly romance Peridot loved so much.

Their dream-selves sat and talked, not really saying anything in particular. Gradually they scooted closer together, dream-Peridot gently taking dream-Bismuth’s hand. Their eyes closed as they leaned in, and they kissed.

Bismuth yanked her gaze away. Seemed the dream was more similar to that romance show than she’d thought.

Stuck for anywhere else to look that wouldn’t feel like an intrusion, she focused on Peridot’s face. Relaxed, lightly flushed, mouth a little open. Stars, she was precious.

Did she really feel that way about her? Did Bismuth feel the same?

Her first thought was that she wasn’t capable of feeling that way anymore. After devoting everything she had, everything she  _ was  _ to Rose Quartz...And sure, she teased Garnet and flirted with Pearl and cared for all her friends, but the foremost place in her core was always reserved for Rose.

But Rose was gone. Pearl was gone. Garnet was gone. Peridot was all she had. And Bismuth did love her. But--

But.

What else could they do?

Peridot’s eyes fluttered open, apparently not as fast asleep as Bismuth thought. She looked up at her in silence.

“What do you think happened to everyone else?” she asked, her voice a tired rasp. “Garnet and Amethyst.”

“Garnet’s gone. That's sure,” Bismuth replied. “Ruby and Sapphire...who knows. Maybe they're all off happy servin’ the Diamonds again.”

“That means we're all that's left of the Crystal Gems.”

Bismuth was silent. Last time she heard that, she at least had Pearl and Garnet with her. Now it was just her. She was the only one who could still remember the war, could still remember that original fight. Could still remember Rose. Peridot sure called herself a Crystal Gem, but…

No. Peridot was a Crystal Gem. Little and haughty and new, but just as brave and independent and rebellious and vital as a Crystal Gem could be. Bismuth couldn't think of anyone else she'd rather have in her place.

Peridot shifted in her lap, turning around to face her, hands on shoulders. Bismuth raised her eyebrows at the change, but didn’t protest.

“I’m glad you’re here with me,” Peridot said.

Bismuth smiled. “I’m glad you--”

Peridot kissed her before she could finish the sentence.

Bismuth didn’t even bother to try talking again, didn’t bother to try thinking. She just held her close, one hand enough to eclipse her whole torso, and kissed her back.

They were all that was left. There was nothing else they could do.

* * *

A full year after it had last closed, the door on the pink wall opened.

Bismuth and Peridot tensed and looked up, the latter moving almost protectively in front of the former. Their hands found each other without looking, and held each other tight.

“You haven’t done much to clean up, have you?” said the agate there, a smug orangey-pink laguna. She smiled wide without without showing her teeth. “No matter. Are we ready to be good little jewels now?”

Bismuth said nothing, frozen.

“I’d rather be crushed,” Peridot declared.

Laguna’s smile tightened. “Well, unfortunately for you, we can’t really afford to do that. We’ll just have to polish you down a little and sand that rebellion away.” She stepped back and clapped twice. The door opened again.

Peridot’s fingertips dug into Bismuth’s palms.

“Oh, for stars’ sake, where’s the bigger ones I ordered?” Laguna complained.

“They’re comin’ too” Amethyst shrugged. “I just showed up a little faster.”

“Ugh, fine. You can just grab the peridot.”

“Amethyst, no,” Peridot whimpered.

Amethyst’s gaze flashed to her. It was  _ her  _ Amethyst, definitely, unmistakably, little and round and beautiful and perfect--but she wasn’t right. Her gem was shining brighter and glossier than ever, but her eyes were glazed completely dull.

“No.” Peridot shook her head, retreating into Bismuth’s chest. “No, no!”

“Alright, quit whining, it’s not gonna be that bad,” Amethyst said, rolling her eyes as she strode toward Peridot.

“No!” 

Amethyst grabbed Peridot’s upper arm and pulled her forward. Peridot tried to yank away, struggling to dig her heels into the floor but only slipping further along. Bismuth still didn’t move.

“Amethyst, don’t do this!” Peridot cried. “You don’t have to do this! You’re a Crystal Gem!”

Bismuth blinked and sucked in a breath.

_ You’re a Crystal Gem. _

“Hey, let her go!” she shouted.

Amethyst jumped a little, startled. She didn’t let go, but she paused.

“Would both of you shut up? You’re so grating,” Laguna sighed. She stepped carefully across the room, heels clicking. “Go back into your little given-up daze, bricklayer. Your eyes look better without that angry look.”

“I’m not goin’ back to anything. And we are  _ not  _ giving up again,” Bismuth said forcefully. She raised her voice to speak to Peridot--to Amethyst--to herself--to the universe. “Hear that? We’re not giving up! That’s what being a Crystal Gem means!”

Laguna scoffed. “Crystal Gem this, Crystal Gem that--do you know what calling yourself a Crystal Gem really means?”

Another two sets of footsteps approached, a pair of tall amethysts appearing in the doorway. Laguna smirked at them, then turned her attention back to Bismuth.

“It means you’re outnumbered, outmatched, out-weaponed--powerless. Just like always,” Laguna oozed through her smile. “The Crystal Gems are  _ nothing.” _

Bismuth gritted her teeth. 

And for the first time in far, far too long, she felt rebellion flare in her core.

She clenched her fist and punched Laguna in the face, knocking her off her feet and across the room.

Immediately the amethysts drew their weapons, a hammer and a spear. Bismuth didn’t care. She brandished her fists, hard and ready.

“Destroy her!” Laguna screeched, stumbling to her feet.

The amethysts charged. Bismuth knocked back one with another punch, the other with a kick. They attacked again--Bismuth blocked the spear, broke it in half--took a blow to the head, but gave it back just as fast--

One hand left Peridot’s arm--Amethyst was drawing her whip, trying to join the fight, but now Peridot could--

“Keep a hold on her! Give me that!” Laguna snatched the whip out of Amethyst’s hand and gave it a fierce swing. It snapped around Bismuth’s neck, and Laguna yanked her backward.

Bismuth staggered and wrested the whip off her neck, and raced to regain her footing before--

The hammer hit directly in the center of Bismuth’s chest and slammed her against the wall. Her form vanished before she could even react.

The universe closed in on Peridot.

_ “NO!” _

Bismuth’s gem clattered to the ground, bent but unbroken. 

Laguna growled. “This is why I hate bismuths--hit it again, split it apart--”

_ “NO! BISMUTH! NO!” _

The amethyst obeyed, bringing her hammer down again and again and again--

With a final wordless scream, Peridot wrenched free of Amethyst’s grasp and flung her arms forward.

The broken pieces of Bismuth’s gem shot into the air. 

And stopped. And hovered.

Laguna and her amethysts watched with gritted teeth, all hands still on weapons, as Bismuth floated for a moment. Then the pieces began to shakily move toward the door.

Peridot stood firm there, eyes determined and arms refusing to quiver. She breathed heavily, gasping and wheezing and sobbing, tears streaming fervently down her face. Her gem hummed with power, shimmering with wobbling heat and exertion.

Slowly, slowly, Bismuth landed in her hands. Peridot curled her fingers around the pieces and looked up at Laguna.

“Let her stay with me,” she pleaded. “Please, let her stay with me.”

Laguna curled her lip in disgust.

She waved a hand. “Take her to the lapidary station. She can keep her garbage as long as she doesn’t cause any trouble.”

The weapons disappeared. The tall amethysts seized Peridot’s shoulders and shoved her forward; her Amethyst shuffled behind them. And Peridot clutched Bismuth tight to her chest, nigh close enough to push through her skin, to rest right inside the place where--if she were human (stars, if they were only human, if they could live short lives together just as humans)--she might have had a beating heart.

The door slid shut on everything they’d built together with a  _ thunk  _ of finality.

* * *

Facet 2F5L Cut 5XG had a malfunctioning arm attachment. The magnetic field on her left hand was shorting out, making her touch stumps lose control a little and blurring her log screen. So far she’d been able to keep the trouble under control via her own adjustments, but today she needed a bit of a higher expert.

The top robotics technician she had access to was another peridot, an Era 1 model, Facet 1B9A Cut 3XU. At 5XG’s request, 3XU laid her down on an examination table and removed the enhancer.

“What’s this?” 3XU asked, lightly touching a piece of metal attached to 5XG’s natural hand.

5XG flinched away. “Leave it alone.”

“Tell me what it is.”

“It’s a ring and it’s mine and I’m not taking it off.”

“Calm down, I’m not gonna take it. You sound like an emerald.” 3XU took 5XG’s hand again, examining the ring without touching it. The band was thin but detailed, with its strands delicately twisted and curled into elaborate designs. The metal didn’t look like steel or iron or anything--it glimmered pink and bronze and green as she turned 5XG’s fingers back and forth, its base color hard to discern.

“Seems diamagnetic,” 3XU said. “This is probably the source of the issues you’re having with the--”

“I’m well aware of that and I’m not removing it,” 5XG snapped. “Can you modify the enhancer’s field to a frequency that won’t be so badly affected?”

“Sure, but it’ll take a few minutes. It’d probably be easier to just get rid of that thing.”

“I don’t care.”

3XU chuckled a little, but didn’t press the issue further. 5XG technically outranked her, anyways, she was so shiny and smooth and obedient and special--if one of them were to get the other in trouble with any higher-ups, it’d be the peridot with too many questions who’d get harvested, not the one hiding a weird but mostly harmless keepsake. So 3XU just turned around and got to work adjusting the field.

Behind her, 5XG raised her hand and silently pressed the ring to her lips. It’d been a long time since her attachments had been removed--almost six hundred years. She’d almost forgotten what Bismuth felt like.


End file.
